8 Erotic Spanking Tips for BDSM Beginners
It’s fascinating to see how pain and pleasure can meet during sex. They can compliment one other wonderfully when practiced with care and timing. There’s nothing quite as erotic as having your booty slapped in the middle of an extremely intense sex session. The intense sting of a spanking can heighten the energy between partners, contributing to the sex session’s animalistic nature.If you want to attempt some BDSM-style play, sexy spanking is a terrific place to start for kink newcomers. With a little training and awareness, anyone can do it.
The forms of pleasure that can be obtained from a spanking session vary and are highly dependent on the mood of the moment. At times, erotic spanking can be mild, hard, painful, and even passionate. “For the body, spanking releases endorphins and causes blood to flow to areas of impact,” says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness, a private members Open Love club for the daring. “The release can be exhilarating. The longer-lasting agony may appeal to people who prefer more forceful forms of spanking—sitting down and still feeling the impact from the night before can be a significant turn-on.
Use spanking in foreplay.
Adding in some spanking before you’ve even gotten into bed can spark erotic energy, setting the wheels in motion for a very hot sex sesh. “Using your hands, swat your lover’s bottom while clothed, aiming for the middle of the buttocks, also known as the ‘sweet spot,'” says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shop. “It is enticing to many because the nerve endings of the genitals end at the bottom of the bottom (pun intended) and that gentle but firm tap/slap can stimulate them.”
Speak up during play.
Communicate while you’re spanking or being spanked. If something isn’t working for, speak up! Simply say, “Babe, I love that you’re super into this, but your hitting me a bit too hard. Can we chill a bit?” If you’re loving it, an encouraging “Yeah! That’s so hot!” is always great. Honest dialogue during sex is how we make sure everyone is having a good time.
Use safewords.
Safewords are non-sexual words that alert our partner when we’re not liking something, feel uncomfortable, or want the play to stop altogether. They are extremely helpful when you don’t feel comfortable advocating for yourself during sex. Sparks suggests using the “traffic light” system: “red” means stop; “yellow” means slow down; and “green” means you’re loving it.
Be mindful of where you’re spanking.
If you’re new to impact play, spanking should be restricted to the buttocks or the upper thighs. “[If you] hit above the peak of the upper buttocks you risk injuring the kidneys or the tailbone area,” Sparks says. “A very hard hit can do damage, especially for those who do not have a lot of ‘meat’ on their backside.”
Consider investing in spanking tools.
Once you’re feeling comfortable with your practice, stocking up on toys can be a fun way to continue exploring impact play, Saynt says. “My personal favorites are thick, leather floggers,” he says. If you need a tamer suggestion, Unbound makes a very adorable crop called “Tsk” that is perfect for beginners.
Play also suggests investing in high-quality leather gloves to add some extra padding against a bare bottom. Bonus: The leather gloves can also help to invigorate that dom/sub dynamic that makes spanking so hot.
Do some research.
One of the best ways to become a truly fantastic spanker (or spankee) is by doing some research. Sparks recommends a book called Spanking For Lovers by Janet W. Hardy. You can also check out workshops from Dame Products, O.School, or your local sex shop (like The Pleasure Chest).
Use spanking as part of role play.
Spanking makes for a great addition to role play—it can bring you into a heightened sense of fantasy. It’s ideal for teacher/student, boss/secretary, or really any dynamic that involves a dom/sub dynamic. For example, if you’re doing a teacher/student scenario, you could say: “Well, Jen. I’m very disappointed that you didn’t complete the homework assignment. I may have to give you a spanking. Come bend over my knee, you naughty girl.”